I've blown a few things in my day
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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