Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
