i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
