They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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