I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
