Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
