Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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