1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
