I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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