Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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