Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
