I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
