I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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