who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
