a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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