and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
