i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
