Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
