Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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