If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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