So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
