I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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