at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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