Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
