i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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