Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
