Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
