i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
