i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
