Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
