one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
