oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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