just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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