dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
