p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
