Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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