Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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