swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
