my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
