I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
