I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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