You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
