So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
