It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
