And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
