My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
