This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
