I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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