Cold hands, warm shart.
My liver just broke up with me...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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