is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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