That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
