I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
