my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
