There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
