White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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