i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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