My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
