somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
